08September2005
Are you getting the feeling that the pollsters are trying to horn in on the exercise of our democratic right to vote on Saturday the 18th? For the last few weeks the media, print, radio and TV have been bombarding us with the results of some of the polls they’ve carried out. Polls where anonymous, faceless voters give their gratuitous opinions as to how, or for whom they will, will not, might not vote for on Election Day. Who commissions these exercises? Who decides who gets polled? How are the respondents selected? Who pays the pollsters?
Well unsuccessfully I tried to find out. In the end I decided to conduct my own poll. The Lundon-Dodgy poll. Now we’re told that all these polls are conducted according to a strict scientific process. So was mine. I got the phonebooks for Wellington and Marlborough and stuck a sharp needle through them both. Apparently this is what the experts do. It’s called random selection. I then opened up the books and came up with a great number of names which had been pierced by the needle. They were going to be my respondents. To be even more random and scientific I took a pierced name from every fourth page. I ended up with about 200 names. Then I started my phone calls. I’ve never had the honour of being contacted by a political pollster but then I’ve never won a Lotto prize either. I’ve had calls from just about every other pollster from soap powder to insurance phoning me just as I’m about to sit down to my evening meal enquiring as to whether I agree or strongly disagree to the statements about their products. I’m usually very abrupt in my response. Like hanging up. I started my calls at about 5pm and prepared myself for a fair bit of verbal abuse. First call. “Ki Ora, you’ve got the office of the Health & Disability Commissioner. Our office is closed now but leave a message and we’ll contact you during our normal office hours. If you are enquiring about a wheelchair or mobility scooter press 1 …” I hung up. The second call. “Good evening, I’m from the Lundon-Dodgy poll. I’m enquiring about your voting preference in the forthcoming general election. Would you care to answer a few questions?” “No need. We’re all Labour here. My dear old dad who passed away two years ago last October told me if it hadn’t been for Labour and Michael Joseph Savage I wouldn’t’ have been born.” “So you’re all voting Labour?” “Sure am.” “How many are there in your household?” “Six of us, all voting Labour. The wife and the four kids. The oldest of the kids is 40 and they’re all still at home. With this interest free student loan of Labour’s I reckon they’ll be here for the rest of their days. Got Michael Joseph Savage to thank for that.” I thanked him and hung up. I recorded that as a 600% swing to Labour.
The next ten calls were not as clear cut. Two hung up on me. They were in the middle of a meal. I understood. Then one dear old lady thought Jenny Shipley was one of the nicest women she’d ever met. So she was going to vote for ACT. I tried to explain to her that Jenny Shipley was no longer a Member of Parliament nor a member of ACT nor a candidate. “Don’t worry dear, she’s still a lovely woman.” The next call began positively. The respondent had either finished his meal or had had nothing to eat. My first question. “If the election was held tomorrow which party would you be most likely to vote for?” “Well that’s none of your business it is? I thought this was supposed to be a secret ballot. I mean what’s the point of all those screens they have around in school assembly halls on Election Day? Obvious, to preserve our privacy. My vote is between me and my maker. That’s what I don’t like about you pollsters. Invading my privacy and trying to engineer the outcome of an election.”
Well I got through to a about another five respondents. Their replies were pretty much the same. “Mind your own business.” “What’s it got to do with you?” or “I bet you’re working for the Greens/ACT/United Future.” So after all this time I’d only got one recordable positive response. My second call. A 600% swing to Labour. And so the following day on National Radio’s ‘Morning Report’ what do I hear. ‘And the result of a new poll out today. The Lundon-Dodgy poll. It records a 600% swing to Labour. The poll was conducted of 10 eligible voters and has a margin of error of plus or minus 90%.
I’m beginning to agree with some politicians. The only accurate poll is on Election Day.
Well unsuccessfully I tried to find out. In the end I decided to conduct my own poll. The Lundon-Dodgy poll. Now we’re told that all these polls are conducted according to a strict scientific process. So was mine. I got the phonebooks for Wellington and Marlborough and stuck a sharp needle through them both. Apparently this is what the experts do. It’s called random selection. I then opened up the books and came up with a great number of names which had been pierced by the needle. They were going to be my respondents. To be even more random and scientific I took a pierced name from every fourth page. I ended up with about 200 names. Then I started my phone calls. I’ve never had the honour of being contacted by a political pollster but then I’ve never won a Lotto prize either. I’ve had calls from just about every other pollster from soap powder to insurance phoning me just as I’m about to sit down to my evening meal enquiring as to whether I agree or strongly disagree to the statements about their products. I’m usually very abrupt in my response. Like hanging up. I started my calls at about 5pm and prepared myself for a fair bit of verbal abuse. First call. “Ki Ora, you’ve got the office of the Health & Disability Commissioner. Our office is closed now but leave a message and we’ll contact you during our normal office hours. If you are enquiring about a wheelchair or mobility scooter press 1 …” I hung up. The second call. “Good evening, I’m from the Lundon-Dodgy poll. I’m enquiring about your voting preference in the forthcoming general election. Would you care to answer a few questions?” “No need. We’re all Labour here. My dear old dad who passed away two years ago last October told me if it hadn’t been for Labour and Michael Joseph Savage I wouldn’t’ have been born.” “So you’re all voting Labour?” “Sure am.” “How many are there in your household?” “Six of us, all voting Labour. The wife and the four kids. The oldest of the kids is 40 and they’re all still at home. With this interest free student loan of Labour’s I reckon they’ll be here for the rest of their days. Got Michael Joseph Savage to thank for that.” I thanked him and hung up. I recorded that as a 600% swing to Labour.
The next ten calls were not as clear cut. Two hung up on me. They were in the middle of a meal. I understood. Then one dear old lady thought Jenny Shipley was one of the nicest women she’d ever met. So she was going to vote for ACT. I tried to explain to her that Jenny Shipley was no longer a Member of Parliament nor a member of ACT nor a candidate. “Don’t worry dear, she’s still a lovely woman.” The next call began positively. The respondent had either finished his meal or had had nothing to eat. My first question. “If the election was held tomorrow which party would you be most likely to vote for?” “Well that’s none of your business it is? I thought this was supposed to be a secret ballot. I mean what’s the point of all those screens they have around in school assembly halls on Election Day? Obvious, to preserve our privacy. My vote is between me and my maker. That’s what I don’t like about you pollsters. Invading my privacy and trying to engineer the outcome of an election.”
Well I got through to a about another five respondents. Their replies were pretty much the same. “Mind your own business.” “What’s it got to do with you?” or “I bet you’re working for the Greens/ACT/United Future.” So after all this time I’d only got one recordable positive response. My second call. A 600% swing to Labour. And so the following day on National Radio’s ‘Morning Report’ what do I hear. ‘And the result of a new poll out today. The Lundon-Dodgy poll. It records a 600% swing to Labour. The poll was conducted of 10 eligible voters and has a margin of error of plus or minus 90%.
I’m beginning to agree with some politicians. The only accurate poll is on Election Day.
posted by Lundon at 2:03 PM
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