05Aug2004

There were two important stories this week. One was about lizards. The other was about the police. Lets deal with the lizards first. Chris Carter who is the Conservation Minister was launching Conservation week. In his launching speech Chris (that’s what he likes to be called) told us a most important fact of life. No he couldn’t reduce GST. He had no control over interest rates. Nor the soaring electricity prices. Even though his portfolio expressly ordered him to conserve. This is what he said “let’s all join hands and rejoice. We’ve got 80 species and indeed subspecies of lizards that we know of and we are still finding more.” He hastened to ensure us that he wasn’t talking about those lizards that cheat social welfare or ACC “I’m talking about real time lizards. New Zealand is home to a wider variety of lizards that almost any other temperate country in the world.” He chose not to mention or identify the intemperate countries which probably all have lizards too. He then went on to tell us of the exciting finds. There was the Sinbad Valley Skink. This was discovered in March last in the mountains of Fiordland. It’s discovery clearly established that Captain James Cook might not have got to Fiordland first. He could have been beaten by Sinbad the Sailor. He then described them “they’re black with green spots on their backs. Salmon pink spots on their sides and (wait for it) long toes and a tail.” Then there’s the Rangitata Skink. This was found in Canterbury this year. Apparently a much larger relative of the long toed skink. It’s chestnut brown with prominent pale stripes and two eyes. Quite surprising really when you would expect a Rangitata Skink from Canterbury to be red and black and have only one eye. Such is nature. The Mount Benson Gecko/Split Rostal Gecko is something else. This species was found in the Kahurangi National Park in 2002. Chris continues “this lizard differs from all other geckos in the world because the scale at the tip of its nose is divided into two.” You will notice that all these wonderful reptilian discoveries have been made in the last few years. The reason for this? Well I would say it has a lot to do with MMP. Look at Donna Awatere Huata, “Definitely a skink” says Richard Prebble. “Trouble was when we chose her as a candidate we knew little about skinks. Boy have we learnt”. We’ve got a lot to thank Chris Carter for. Back to Chris. “This government has left no tarn unsterned or should that be stern untarned. No matter it’s amazing what we are finding. It’s exciting. We could be on the way to a new age of the dinosaurs.” As for new discoveries. Well I suggest you watch out for the Lambton Quay Skink/Art Gecko. Some sightings of this reptilian gem have been found in the tunnel which links Bowen House where most MPs work in Wellington with Parliament Buildings across the road.

The second story involves the police. Concerned at the number of police chases involving accidents, officers in future will have to earn the right to get involved in chases. National Road Safety manager Superintendent Steve Fitzgerald said that under the new régime officers will be tested on their skills and understanding. As a result they will be awarded gold, silver or bronze ranking accordingly. Gold drivers will be permitted to engage in all duties. Silver drivers will have some restrictions placed on them. And when you are down to Bronze, which isn’t very much, you will have to drive within the road rules. If you think I’ve been writing all this fired up on a glass of cask Muller Thurgau I haven’t. It’s all true. Skinks, Geckos and the Police. Unbelievable. At the moment there is no suggestion that the chase cars will be painted gold, silver or bronze. So when you get stopped or chased you will have no idea of the officer’s colour ranking. I can just see it. “Hello officer. Are you a gold, silver or bronze officer?” “No unfortunately I’m none of them. I’m just a simple old fashioned copper”.