19May2005
They say that history has a habit of repeating itself. I wondered about this as I contemplated the forthcoming Lions rugby tour and the entourage of it’s supporters who is about to invade us. This is shaping up to be an invasion on a par with the Normans’ efforts back in 1066. Let me for a moment refresh your memory. Edward the Confessor on his deathbed is supposed to have uttered “Into Harold’s hands – Harold was, as you will recall, the well known and well connected Harold Godwinson – I commit my kingdom.” As soon as Edward had snuffed it Harold wasted no time getting his head measured for the Crown. The measurement incidentally was 6⅞. Across the English Channel William Duke of Normandy decided he also had a claim to the English throne. Edward was a distant cuzzie to William. William was quite certain that Edward had designated him as his successor. This is where it all becomes a bit complicated. According to William when Harold donned the Crown he had violated a sacred oath. William rang the then Pope on a direct line VAT 69. The Pope had Harold excommunicated and consigned him and his supporters to hell. Now as we also know about the same time a third party came on the scene. Harold Hardrada King of Norway also laid claim to Harold’s throne. He prepared to invade England. Harold got it both ways. The Vikings in the North. The Normans in the South. To cut a long story short Harold not only beat the Vikings in the North but got the bonus point. Of the Vikings that survived you could have fitted them into three sardine tins as they made their way back to Norway. It was a different story down south. After putting up a bit of a fight Harold’s Anglo-Saxons bowed under the sheer skill and might of the Normans. And on September 25 1066 at Hastings the Normans triumphed. The rest as they’re always saying is history.
This wordly introduction brings me to the present day. What we’re about to witness is a reverse Anglo-Saxon invasion. Instead of waiting at home for the Normans, this time (for Harold read “Sir Clive Woodward), his men and his army of supporters are going to attempt to invade us. We the latter-day Normans are under our King Graham Henry IX. Sir Clive mirrors the hapless King Harold in so many ways. When he won the great battle of Sydney, two years ago he immediately assumed the Crown “King of the Rugby World”. Since his self coronation his army has had few victories, Realising his power was waning he gathered together a group of English, Welsh, Scottish and in desperation even Irish in a motley band of up to 20,000 known as the Barmy Army of ill equipped, ill trained supporters. It’s about to embark on an invasion of Henry IX’s territory. But unlike the Normans’ arrows of those centuries ago we’ve decided on a different defence. We’re going to beat them on the battle field with sheer brilliance. Henry the IX will see to that. Off the battlefield we will attack the marauding hordes of freckly, speckled, overweight supporters with frenzied hospitality. Make them feel at home with litres of warm Guinness. Thousands of half baked, half cold pork pies. Bowls of steaming tripe and onions. And salted smoked Kawhai masquerading as kippers. It’s been said the way to a soldiers heart is through his stomach. So be it. All over the country marquees are being erected. Roads are being closed. Beer is being brewed in an effort to deal it to the invaders. Churchill spoke of them and their Camper Vans – 3000 of them. “Strong columns of their vehicles will ravage the open country which for the first day will be without defenders. They have penetrated deeply and spread alarm and confusion. But in the end we will never give in. We will drive them camper vans and all from our shore. This will be New Zealand’s finest hour.”
As I said history has a habit of repeating itself.
Postscript: I see Sir Clive and his motley crew have in desperation enlisted the help of royalty – Prince William Windsor. He’s second in line for the Throne. His coming here I believe is an injudicious decision for henceforth he shall be know not as William the Conqueror but rather William the Conquered.
This wordly introduction brings me to the present day. What we’re about to witness is a reverse Anglo-Saxon invasion. Instead of waiting at home for the Normans, this time (for Harold read “Sir Clive Woodward), his men and his army of supporters are going to attempt to invade us. We the latter-day Normans are under our King Graham Henry IX. Sir Clive mirrors the hapless King Harold in so many ways. When he won the great battle of Sydney, two years ago he immediately assumed the Crown “King of the Rugby World”. Since his self coronation his army has had few victories, Realising his power was waning he gathered together a group of English, Welsh, Scottish and in desperation even Irish in a motley band of up to 20,000 known as the Barmy Army of ill equipped, ill trained supporters. It’s about to embark on an invasion of Henry IX’s territory. But unlike the Normans’ arrows of those centuries ago we’ve decided on a different defence. We’re going to beat them on the battle field with sheer brilliance. Henry the IX will see to that. Off the battlefield we will attack the marauding hordes of freckly, speckled, overweight supporters with frenzied hospitality. Make them feel at home with litres of warm Guinness. Thousands of half baked, half cold pork pies. Bowls of steaming tripe and onions. And salted smoked Kawhai masquerading as kippers. It’s been said the way to a soldiers heart is through his stomach. So be it. All over the country marquees are being erected. Roads are being closed. Beer is being brewed in an effort to deal it to the invaders. Churchill spoke of them and their Camper Vans – 3000 of them. “Strong columns of their vehicles will ravage the open country which for the first day will be without defenders. They have penetrated deeply and spread alarm and confusion. But in the end we will never give in. We will drive them camper vans and all from our shore. This will be New Zealand’s finest hour.”
As I said history has a habit of repeating itself.
Postscript: I see Sir Clive and his motley crew have in desperation enlisted the help of royalty – Prince William Windsor. He’s second in line for the Throne. His coming here I believe is an injudicious decision for henceforth he shall be know not as William the Conqueror but rather William the Conquered.
posted by Lundon at 1:11 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home